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Legal Retractions

November 18, 2010

On previous episodes of WITH TIM FERGUSON Tim has had to make some clarifications for legal purposes:

“Our legal advisers have insisted that I retract my suggestion on last week’s show that Premier John Brumby is a Scientologist. Apparently, they did give him a personality test but he failed.”

“I want to say sorry to all the Family First Candidates…….I’m so sorry you’re a Family First Candidate.”

“I also misspoke when I said that Liberal Leader Ted Baillieu is a private school born-to-rule Little Lord Fauntleroy who thinks poor people are poor because they’re lazy.  For the record, he also thinks they’re stupid.”

“I must retract my statement about the Brumby Govt being a train wreck waiting to happen.  Clearly, for a train wreck to occur, you need actual trains to be going somewhere.”

“And I have to clarify my insinuations about the Greens Political Party…  Just because the Greens have policies about interest rates, euthanasia, Death Taxes, foreign currency exchange, multilateral trade agreements, bank regulation, the Family Court, the Department of Education, the Reserve Bank, the IMF and industrial relations they are NOT to be mistaken for a political party.  They want to save the environment – they just don’t talk about it anymore.”

“I apologise for comments I made last week about Tony Abbott’s ears.  His ears have grown like that naturally and are not in any way to be regarded as ‘love handles’.”

“A legal matter – on last week’s show I misspoke when I inferred that You-Know-Who was doing You-Know-What with they-who-shall-not-be-named. Let me be clear – we cannot confirm that the individuals in question may or may not have been engaged in an act that dare not speak its name, in a location we can’t mention. But they know who they are.”

Tim’s legal team wish to thank you for your leniency.

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