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Tim’s First Job

August 27, 2011

1. Tim, what was your first job? Where?
I was a gardener at Tidbinbilla Space Tracking Station.

2. What hours/shifts did you work?
9-5 endless weekdays

3. What tasks did you have to perform?
My chief task was to halt to advance of nature as it strove to weave its ghastly tendrils into the giant radar dishes.

4. What was the pay like?
The pay was exorbitant, given my total lack of skill and interest.

5. What did you like/dislike most about the job? E.g. did you have to wear a dodgy uniform?
I enjoyed the participation in our nation’s space efforts. Sure, I was just a weeder and whippersnipper, but the aliens may have mistaken me for the radars’ owner. We’ll see…
I didn’t enjoy dealing with blackberry brambles. The last battle on earth will be between blackberries and cockroaches. And the blackberries will win.

6. What skills did you have to learn?
I learnt not to be squeamish about battling nature. It is, after all, trying to kill us. Cases in point: great white sharks, funnelweb spiders and carbon.

7. Why did you leave the job?
The aliens never called. Ah, the impatience of yoof.

8. Were you glad to leave? Why?
I was disappointed to leave Tidbinbilla. My role in the space race was at an end. Presumably, the money saved was blown on wasteful departments like education and health.

9. What is your most vivid memory of the job?
Tiger snakes galore. They’re harder to kill if you give them names.

10. What did you learn from this job?
The aliens are coming. They like the space-garden. And they want it. Sure, laugh it up. You’ll be sorry, so very sorry.

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